2.09am

nothing much to do here for today... i am in the office for the moment but i am sooooo free..................... yeahhhhh..... so nice.. thats the nice thing about working on a weekend. nobody place calls. no one to disturb. i think earl is asleep. so is salvador... antonio should be out and around i think... wheeeeeeee...... i can just surf the net with a 2MB line per secs... heheheheheh. who says working for HP ain't fun? okok... i admit the hours are kinda weird but hey... i suppose its a small price to pay if you wanna have some fun sometimes. i miss church today again... haihsssss.... i think they definitely had fun without me.. sometimes i get the feeling that i am no longer a member of the church.. makes me feel that i am like a guest there.. i suppose i can't blame anyone for this. i choose the patch, therefore the consequences has to be beared by me. i always know that by signing up for this job, i will definitely be less frequent to church. its a definite no doubt about it. i cannot deny the feelings of guilt sometimes that i have for choosing this job over church, but what choice do i have. i've often pondered this... what are the choices that i have currently? if i had stayed at the old company, where would i progress? i don't know anything about accounting and neither am i fond of it. true i enjoyed the conversations with some of the clients but i just don't find anything else besides the darn reports every month. now i switch over to HP and so far i find it quite good, the only thing thats not good is that i have to work weekends twice a month... i know somehow this will affect my faith.. it will definitely affect. i cannot and will not argue or dismiss this as mere after action stuff... i sometimes wonder why i am around,.. what am i meant to do? am i suppose to lead lost souls to find God? or am i just meant to live a life, struggle like mad to survive, and then pass on? on many accounts and times i have almost made the decision to leave the church for i don't know what's going on anymore. sure i know the elders say that i must serve and serve and do whatever leading or stuff but deep down inside it, what is the main basis of my own faith? do i still have a faith.? i can say with certainty that my day to day actions and activities sometimes is leading me straight down to hell... i know i shouldn't miss certain things but i actually miss clubbing. i miss the old times i had. This is definitely not good. better wipe my mind clean of these things... okok. get back to work,..... better not laze around for too much....