12.18am.. home

Somewhat i've not been pretty much in the mood for blogging. I have been feeling guilty all this whole week. I was pop a sensitive question to which i have no answer.. Why? why can't i tell the truth and face the consequences? i would generally assume that a major percentage of my lies are based on fears... Fears of the unknown? i don't really know the answer to that. Somehow i ask myself what am i doing with my life sometimes. I know i cannot do certain things but i always succumb to the worst sort of temptation... God? are you really around sometimes... i cannot help it but to doubt your presense that do not exist in my life! WHY?! WHY IS IT SOO HARD TO GET RID OF IT?! i am weary.. weary of all the actions of desires which continues to tear me apart bit by bit. it is a terrible suffering to endure.. i do wonder how on earth JESUS endures it all. Are we really worth all the suffering he goes thru? U know sometimes i feel its enough... come what may.. end it all. I despair at the thought of the day when i will have to face judgement and stand in front and give a full accountability of my pathetic actions that has disgrace the entire family. I cannot sleep properly for the pass few days.. i dunno... kinda makes me mad sometimes. i dun even have the mood to play eve... i dunno why.. its just really weary. kinda fatigued... ah what the hell. try to get some sleep.. i'm gonna need it.