To start off this entry. I suppose i can say that not all things in life are always meant to go your way or meant to stay that way. Just when you think things are going okay, somethings will come and mess things up for you a lot.
Work:
To start it off. Work wise. I've been pretty all good in a lovely comfort zone and all that. I wondered if complacent would be a more suitable explanation for it? Maybe... the GYPSY team is already gone.. Kinda only left 4 fellas over at our spot. I'm the only Engineer. 2 Application Team Lead and 1 Team lead. Not to mention the Accounts Operation Manager of course but things gotten quiet a lot all of the sudden.. Kinda sad.... but i suppose thats how it goes.. wonders when its our turn...... Wonders not thou shall.. someone told me that.. suppose he's right.
Spiritual:
This always hurts a lot more than it should. I suppose. I hardly attend the morning service.. I sincerely believe that the last time that i've attended the morning service is like 2-3 months back... Why is that? I would love to blame work and my sleeping time habits and such but come to think of it, thats all excuses. A mistake or a action taken cannot be justified with mere excuses
or explanation. I do think and believe that a certain sense of accountability and responsibility comes with the actions that's been taken by the person. So.... where do i stand? I cannot afford to go on like this. Sonner or later i might be heading deep south faster than i think i would. Career or Spiritual food? Easy to say the answer but hard to swallow it.
Family:
I suppose this is another area where it does not comfort me at all. For starters, i've always knew that my parents marriage was not a success. Both parties have reveal to me that they have regretted marrying each other and they only stayed on because of me.. It causes me grief... I can say that this thing or matter is the situation that hurts me the most. Sometime i wonder why can't my parents work out their difference? I've seen 80+ couples. walking in the morning around my housing area. hand in hand.. talking. laughing. My parents? See each other also like strangers.... Not much difference. I've pray about it. I've tried something once.. try to get them out. I give up on it. Why? Because i'm having dinner with 2 sour face person.. Quiet and no conversation.. not much anyway.. if its going in this direction, i rather eat on my own... To be perfectly honest. I'm much more contented to eat on my own..... Lonely but its a solution.....
Sometimes i wonder what should i do if my parents pass away... As the only child in the family, i bear the responsibility of handling things. My mom has expressed the desire of being buried in the catholic cemetery. She has provided clear instructions that i do so and in the event that something happens to her.... i am to contact her friendsto handle... My dad has not mentioned these things to me therefore i assume he'll want the burial to be in the chinese style.. ironic....
My relatives are also a source of headaches. Sometimes i wish i could just ask them to mind their own business and handle their own family. Especially my father's relatives. Butting around my own family's business as thought they know it better. What right do they have to say this and that?! Its MY family. Not theirs! just feel like screaming F*** off to them.. sometimes i do not wish to be associated with them at all. They are a disgrace to the family..........
My Mom's side is okay... got one or 2 odd ones but they are alright... But my uncle in Singapore is one that i respect. Its sad that he has no children but i can see that they love each other a lot. Going out together, talking and laughing. hmmm.... i hope i can be someone like that...
There it is... gotten a lot of things out of my heart and mind today.. Hope that it clears out my mind a bit....
